I stood in the shower letting the hot water wash over my realizing this would be one of the last calming showers I'd get to take for a long time.
A shower that I could stand there and allow myself to get carried away in my thoughts. Where I'm not rushing to get out. Where I'm not peaking on the other side of the curtain to see a baby tucked safely in a rocker.
I stood and took in the last bits of peace I'd have as the mother of one.
I know that this baby will be different. Tom was on a completely different schedule when Lucas was born. He will be home during the day and gone in the evenings this go round. This shower won't be my last peaceful shower so to speak.
But I'm also in mourning.
I'm mourning the sleep.
I'm mourning the peace and quiet.
I'm mourning the calmed nerves.
With new babies old worries come rushing back. Worries I haven't had to think about in some time. Like SIDs, allergies, and illnesses. Mainly because I'm scared. I'm not sure if it'll be the same this go around because I've never had two kids before.
I won't sleep peacefully for a long time. I'll wake every time he moves. I'll be scared to close my eyes.
And then there are a whole bunch of new things I'm worried about.
How will I split my time from my oldest to my youngest?
Will Lucas be frustrated and jealous that I'm not able to do what he needs when he needs it?
How will he handle being a big brother?
Will he feel less loved?
I know I won't love him any less he will always know how much I love him because it's important to say it a lot. But will he feel it the same way? He will be sharing the spotlight now how will he handle it?
I am so excited to see this new little guy's face and hold him in my arms. Seeing Tom snuggle another one of our children and sit with Lucas while he holds his little brother. These are the things that make all of the above okay. Because I know that I'm not alone in my fears mother's everywhere feel the same as I do.
This is my family and we are growing. :)
We can do this.
You are far from alone. I wish I would've taken more time to myself before J. I wanted my pregnancy to be over so bad I took time for granted. You'll get the hang of it. I'm three months in and things are still hard. You are a great mommy and things will get easier and come to you!
ReplyDeleteI'm sure your going to be an amazing second-time mommy!
ReplyDeleteI am having these same emotions. I feel selfish for dreading the lack of sleep, me time and just pure exhaustion. I also am so worried about how my little guy will do sharing my attention.
ReplyDeleteGood luck!!
ReplyDeleteBless you sweetie. I worry the exact same things you listed as planning to get pregnant for number two. Our life will be very different with number two, I already know it will (& I'm not even pregnant). I never slept when Dav was a newborn...NEVER. I would never lay him in his crib - & we struggle with this now with him wanting to sleep in a bouncy seat....
ReplyDeleteBut, I know you are going to be great. You are going to be an awesome Mommy of two beatiful boys.
I can not wait to see this little guy.
Sending a lot of love your way.
*HUGS*
First.. I'm not a Mom & I have no advice or personal experiences to share. I just want to say that I enjoy your honest post. I dont' have the words, but I'm sure you'll do what you feel is right - and that's all that matters. Plus you said Tom's schedule will allow him to be there too. Maybe with Lucas being 5 and being at School(?) it will help balance the time. Wish you all the best.. enjoy the simple moments. <3, Amy
ReplyDeleteYou know you're a great mother when you worry about all of those things you listed and so many more I'm sure you didn't. And as a great mother, you will know instinctively what to do for both of your children. It may not happen immediately, but you will get it down and adapt because that is what great mothers do. And you dear friend, are definitely great. :)
ReplyDeleteYou are going to do just fine, worrying is what mothers do best! And you are so lucky to have the love and support of a strong man who will carry you along when you need it...something I myself was very grateful for when I became a first time mom hundreds of miles away from home and family. Still, I sympathize with you, I worry about when Raegan becomes a sister and I'm not even pregnant nor do we have any plans to be in the next few years!
ReplyDeleteYou are going to be fine sweetie, but I so hear you and know where your coming from. It's hard when you have two and they do fight for the attention. You enjoy these last few minutes of piece and one little one to share the moments with.
ReplyDeleteHUGS
Aww I love this post. I remember worrying about the same things before Logan was born. But once he got here, everything was perfect. I knew our little family was complete and that warmed my heart!
ReplyDeleteYour words are so sweet and so true. I always wonder the same things about having another baby. Especially if Sofia will notice that I'm not giving her all my attention anymore. I hate the thought of her feeling less loved or sad. But I feel like siblings ultimately end up not noticing the difference as much as we are worried they will and just love their new baby brother/sister. This is a precious and exciting time, I wish you all the best :)
ReplyDeleteI remember feeling very similar right before B was born, but somehow, we managed it! Now it is kind of funny because I don't know how to act when I have only one of them with me, I am so used to them entertaining each other!
ReplyDelete